What do you do when almost everything good that has held your marriage together starts to c***k and give way?
Do you stay there and watch life crumble around you, or do you look for a way out of all the turmoil and impending collapse?
For people in seemingly indissoluble marriages, the obvious option would be to look for a way out and seek happiness elsewhere, but as experience teaches, many people in such situations often choose to stay in the marriage.
One reason people do this is for the sake of their children.
As expected, couples married with children often think of their children when they struggle with the idea of ending an unhappy, sour marriage.
“I don’t want my children to grow up with separated parents,” and “I’m staying for the children. I want them to have a father/mother figure” are two of the thoughts that often drive this decision.
But are they really helpful to the children?
If you think deeply about it, do the children benefit at all from the continued togetherness of their parents?
Wouldn’t they be better off growing up with one parent in happiness than with both parents in an intensely bitter environment?
Again, how beneficial is it for children to live in a home where one parent constantly beats and torments the other?
Or if the parents are constantly fighting, bickering and screaming at the top of their lungs, both at noon and in the middle of the night?
What significantly shapes a child’s outlook on life is the type of environment in which they grow up. If they are exposed to hostility and violence at a young age, it will have a negative effect on them.
To better understand this, consider that children try to imitate what they see adults doing, and almost everything they see in movies.
Think about what you would do to them if all they saw growing up was mom always saying horrible things about dad and dad doing the same things about mom.
If these children are going to grow up to see Dad as a horrible, abusive person and Mom as a pushover or someone who nags incessantly and won’t give Dad a break, can you still say you stayed in the marriage for them?
Would staying in that marriage have helped or ruined those children?
Being together could actually provide financial stability, which in turn allows the kids to get a good education and all that other cool stuff, and the importance of that can never be downplayed.
But is it worth exposing them to the palpable tension and unhappiness that comes from their parents’ bad marriage?
As I said in that earlier article, it is perfectly understandable to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children. But the fact that it is understandable does not mean that it is okay.